It’s amazing how, when you mention the D word in conversation, everyone either has it or knows someone who is suffering. When I managed to get back to ‘normal’ about ten years ago I couldn’t wait to tell anyone who cared to listen how amazing it is to be NORMAL.
After trying unsuccessfully to attain a modicum of my former mental equilibrium using a variety of prescribed drugs my GP suggested sertraline. “Would you give it to your wife?’ I cried in desolation and desperation. He replied in the affirmative and I was hooked for the next ten years!
Taking medication in middle age (after refusing to do so for all of my adult life up to that stage) was an absolute revelation. I finally understood what people meant when I sometimes asked, ‘What are you thinking about?’ and they invariably replied, ‘Nothing!’
Until I took anti-depressants I had no idea what it was like to think of nothing! I thought people just couldn’t be bothered to tell me their thoughts. I actually thought they were lying when they said they weren’t thinking about anything. I could not understand how it was possible to think of NOTHING!
The tablets changed all that and for some time I revelled in the joy of not thinking. No conversations in my head, no action replay of events, no internal dialogue whatsoever. Just NOTHING.